Dear Santiago,
Although I do not so much like you from the point of view of tourism, you are still dear to me. It is always late at night that I touch down on your runway and still later, when my tour bus makes it to your centre. I am tired, hungry and all those concrete and glass structures that greet me on the way to my hotel, I despise. What do you expect? I am coming from the South and from places where the woods and the waters have fascinated me over the years. As I sleep in your arms, I don't feel cuddled even in the super comfortable bed linen your hotels boast of. The feeling of going back to the south keeps knocking at my door, even when I am waking up to a day I don't feel like even starting. For I know it will be the day of the ‘city tour’. A day when you will impose more of your so called arty concrete in your old centre or the same glass in the business district.
I get out in the open leaving the hotel behind, hoping of taking the bus not in your streets but back to the airport. I put on my head phones to cut the sound of the guide talking about history blah blah and more blah. I want to close my eyes and shut myself completely off from you when casually I look out of the window and see the people. Not too many, and certainly not less. I don't feel the difference from other cities in general. The cities that keep you company in your larger domain. Buenos Aires, Lima and Sao Paolo. All cities that I feel nothing in and only treat them with the same kind of remorse as I feel for you.
The bus stops and I get down with my group. The same drill! I walk off away from them and into some street with a place to eat. I find a random eatery with some activity and occupy a table in the hope of making up for missing the same old hotel breakfast of scrambled eggs and coffee earlier in the morning. I know what I will eat, and I have to join the group back. So I eat, I pay and greet the waiter on my way out. As I walk back to my group at least my stomach is full with the ‘Avocado’ that I think is the only thing I love about you. The rest of the day goes on and there is nothing that I wish to write about you. In the hotel, I don't even feel like getting out to know you more.
This, Santiago, has been going on since the first time I came to you in 2010 and ever since, I have told myself, never again!
A few months back I finally managed to take you out of my tour itinerary by re arranging some flights that will only make me fly over you. So, when I landed this time at the same nightly hour as I always do, and felt the same on my way to the hotel, I smiled and said to myself, 'this thank god is the last time'. However an undercurrent crept up in me the night I went to bed. I still did not feel your cuddle and I still did not feel the warmth. But then I realised you are like this. You are always like this to everyone. To the many people that depend on you for their daily living, you never cuddle them. You simply provide. I know that all the cities do the same, they provide. But now as I know this is the last time I will be visiting you, I feel your eyes all over me. They are not asking me to come again. They are simply staring .. and in your stare I catch something. Something I cant explain through words but can only feel.
Did you ask me something, through those eyes of yours? Coz even if you did not, i might have an answer. I finally know why I feel this way as I leave you. Not sad, but not happy. ‘Saudade’ is a word in Portuguese that best describes it. I at some moment of ‘yesterday’, while I walked out of the eatery felt like being a part of the people on the streets. People, not tourists! This, I have never felt in any other city and I don't know why I feel it with you. You were all dead to me and now suddenly you are alive and what a time to do it?!!
I know I wont come to you with a group of tourists. I know however I will come, just to be one of yours!